Jane Babiarz

On the Butt of all Dumb Jokes

I have always found it irksome to have to respond to jokes that portray Poles as idiots.  Should I force a chuckle, or slap my knees light-heartedly, or point an index finger at the joker and follow it with a “you’re-the-man” expression? Usually, my brow uncontrollably furrows as I wonder where the hell this stereotype comes from.  Sure, I’ve encountered my share of dupkow*, but not drastically more than that of any other ethnicity. Is Poland actually more imbecilic than any other nation? What is it about our inhabitants or culture that makes us the prime target for mockery?

So we’ve had a rough past. We elected foreign leaders who swapped the land and people for monetary compensation, protection, and status.  What do you expect? Our land was plentiful, our women desirable.  So Germany, Russia, Prussia, and Austria have more than once dipped their fingers into our treasury, army, sejm, and social affairs. The sixty-six years of Saxon rule that paralyzed the order, law, and sovereignty of Poland were guided by the “Alliance of the Three Black Eagles”. Who else can boast the sighting of THREE eagles while anarchists rioted in the streets?  So we were slowly partitioned until non-existence. Imagine how many cartographers were saved from starvation as a result of our disappearance on the world map!  So what if we were conscripted into the German, Austrian, and Russian armies at the outbreak of the First World War and forced to fight, on our own land, in a war thatwas not ours?  At least we didn’t have to leave home.

42.pngAlright.  Perhaps Poland has had it share of imbecility, nourished by a
love for drinking and a strange superiority complex towards most of southern and eastern Europe.  But it is not a breeding ground for idiots.  The nation repeatedly (and I mean repeatedly) survived invasion, yet it still managed to revive its political and social infrastructures and prepare for the foreign threats that could and did unfold.  And hey, Poland also instituted the 1773 Committee of National Education, the first Ministry of Education in Europe, where hundreds of schools were established and scholars, artists, and writers churned out pieces that attained both national and global recognition.  I can’t think back to the country’s revival after the First World War without shaking my head at the daunting task that faced it: independently rebuilding after being governed for a hundred and twenty years by both Siberian fur-hat wearin’ and lederhosen-clad foreigners.  And then, when the country finally prepared itself for solidarity, it was screwed over again as the Allies designated it as a Russian zone of influence at Yalta.  Like the geeky, bullied kid wearing socks and sandals at recess, Poland served as the European ego-booster, something the superpowers could abuse every time they were feeling low.  Thus, it’s no surprise that a nation habitually rebuilding and protecting itself from invasion would have some trouble accumulating wealth and modernizing.     

However, the country has felt some stability after communism’s fall, but it is without a doubt that we are still behind in the global race for power. The economic sphere, whether it’s business or land ownership, is led by foreigners who have no interest in the nation’s well-being. The youth still vainly pursues the illusory American dream as a solution to its problems, while the elders reminisce about times when, even with the possibility of foreign invasion, life was slower-paced, simpler, and less expensive. But just as the weakling at the school playground eventually becomes the CEO of some company with a babe and convertible and meets his bullies twenty years later as they still work at some dead-end job, I have faith that Poland will restore itself.  With the election of an able-minded leader, the countryside and industrial centers can regain their classic European luster and attract travelers from all nations.  Although Poles have suffered politically and economically, we are not victims of intellectual and cultural retardation!  So for all you originators, collectors, and perpetuators of the “dumb Polak” joke, I have one message: Just leave us be!

*butt-heads